Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think a kid would responsible me up
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
