Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
