dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
