im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
