have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
