they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
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