girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
