i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
