hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
