She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
