Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
