she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
