An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
