D3 body, D1 cock
We're facebook friends in real life
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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