O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
