what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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