Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
