He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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