his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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