I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
