if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
