No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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