i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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