There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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