Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my shit smells like andre
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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