Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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