bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
