4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
