$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
