Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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