i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
