do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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