ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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