i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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