How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
