Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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