I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
