It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
