we're blogging at a bar
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He passed out mid-signature
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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