There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
