My entire life is one complicated drinking game
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
