I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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