nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
