I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
