Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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