This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
