The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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