My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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