I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
either way he was missing a nipple.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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