If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
