My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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