RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize