is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
