Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
