Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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