I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize