I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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