there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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