How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
