id be glad to
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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