Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
