Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
