hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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