this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
