I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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