I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
