There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
