it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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