remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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