Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
